2022-04-20  hungry

I nearly cried on my bike on my way to the office this morning. At least three people have told me about crying at work in recent weeks. I considered crying partially because my legs and lungs were having trouble making it up the long incline on flatbush next to the park, partially because it was cold and grey* and my ears hurt, and partially because I felt the angst that has permeated the last few weeks and I did not want to go to work at all. The only reason I was heading to the office was to have a “donut^” meeting with someone in person. If I had ever downloaded slack on my phone I might have canceled right then and turned around under the guise of a sick day. Unfortunately my sick days are also my vacation days, so I will probably† never use one for actual sickness. Devoted readers may have read my previous post about going to the office and how much I hated it. Today was much better! I chose a seat in the last row where no one could look over and see my screen, which allowed me to look at farm properties for sale upstate; this helped immensely. During my donut chat I had a vegan gluten-free brown-butter coconut cookie and a london fog. I don’t know what brown butter means in a vegan context but I did think to myself upon arriving at the office, “I sure could go for a london fog right about now” and thought about the ones they make at the center for fiction, so that manifested itself well. Another coworker, who I had not yet met in person, and who was much taller in person than I expected, appeared briefly in the office. It’s so strange how much someone looks and dresses shapes how i think of them, and how largely unknowable those things are over zoom. Around 3:00 the fire alarm went off. But instead of a flashing light and ear-covering screech, it rang with a soft, almost meditative bell. Clearly the alarm was capable of flashing its light and screeching its screech, so why wasn’t it? Nobody knew what was happening but after it didn’t go away for a few minutes we all walked down the staircaseº (instead of taking the elevator) to the front of the building, just as firetrucks were pulling up. This didn’t seem like a big deal at first, because it’s just an office building, but as we walked out of the staircase I learned that our building is also the site of a puppy daycare, and the puppies and handlers were still inside. Furthermore, the puppies seemed to hate the various alarm sounds. The dog of the woman next to me¨ was standing up on its hind legs in between the legs of its owner, clutching one of her thighs with its forepaws and nervously looking around. Admittedly, this was too cute for any of us to feel that bad for it. I decided to just bike home, and by then the firetrucks and alarms were gone. On the way home I stopped at trader joe’s for some essentials.‡ By this time, it was actually a beautiful day out and my bike ride was sunny and pleasant and going down the flatbush slope was much easier. * I am not actually sure it was grey. it could have been sunny but I remember it as grey. ^ For the uninitiated, donut sends everyone on slack a message every three weeks telling them they should have a casual chat with another coworker, chosen randomly. † hopefully º painted a refreshing light blue and full of diffuse natural light! I imagined asking my coworker to take a new linkedin headshot of me there, but unfortunately there might have been a fire so it wasn’t the best time. ¨ not in puppy daycare ‡ “tea tree tingle” body wash, vitamins, and “happy trekking” trail mix