slam!!!!

slam1 absolutely slammed by how good the club was yesterday. i was in love with the beat, in love with the feeling of being covered in sweat and other people's elbows, in love with finding my own little spotlight within that space to feel the music, in love with the feeling of my eardrums being blasted off. n's presence was so irrelevant, in the sense that theirs was one of many bodies in a larger flow; the pure feeling of moving and being in sync with myself and bodies around me and losing myself to the beat. whenever i'm really in the zone at the club, my brain actually pauses its ceaseless chugging, and i screw my eyes shut so I can really understand how my body is connecting to the sonic and crowd energy around me. so it didn't matter that the group of men who shoved in front of me were all like 7 feet tall - which also didn't matter because we got inadvertently shoved to the front literally at the stage itself, just because the audience kept yearning forward towards the DJ. it was like looking up at god at the foot of the altar. overall it transitioned beautifully from bopping to straight mosh pit and i loved how everyone was bruising each other up in their desire to go crazy within themselves. slam2 i *slammmm*ed n on the head with my phone while going crazy in the mosh pit yesterday. it was entirely by accident and i felt bad but honestly i take it as a sign from the universe that it's on my side slam3 i have been slamming doors lately. the last time i slammed a lot of doors was when i was working at the gallery: donkey kicked those white cube doors and left boot marks, which was very satisfying. i also blasted blackpink and die antwoord everyday after announcing that i quit for the blatant 'fuck you' effect. right now it is midnight and i am full blasting guitar amp... whole room vibrating and i've been lying on the floor enjoying that feeling. weirdly i'm only now realizing sonic warfare is how i operate when I snap slam3.2 probably due to an ongoing mountain of unresolvable frustrations, music has slammed back into my life. attending techno or raves interested me much before, and i was previously fine with having left violin as a shelved thing of the past. but now i'm making all these neuron connections, like for instance today in the shower realizing the chord progressions of fuckin 'viva la vida' and 'set me off' (magdalena bay) are weirdly similar and same exact key??? cRAzy. i wish i'd learned bass - it's the best combo of rhythmic and tonal, or create the best dissonances with main harmonic line; also just generally kinda sexy. i'm thinking of st vincent's latest single... [hey pig!!]. today i jammed out on violin, just plunking away while holding it guitar style to air's 'sexy boy' (the modulations are SO good) and deee-lite's 'groove is in the heart'. unfortunately the feedback went crazy, otherwise i would have plugged the electric into the amp instead of sticking with acoustic. TLDR SOUNDS SO GOOD GUYS