two notes on manhood and a dream from last month


I went to cvs the other day to kill time and was there in the deodorant aisle smelling all the deodorants because I’m low and on the lookout for a new scent. And I was thinking Why is everyone so against Man Scents. Man Scents are the epitome of our triumph against nature. We all know and love the fresh odor of the eucalyptus tree, and the calm of lavender, and the warmth of cedar, but why stop there. How better can we dominate our world than by creating a New Nature of our own fragrant design? What could possibly be more masculine than the chemical chimera? The impossible composite deemed “Pure Sport” or "Arctic Edge" or "Dark Temptation" or "Captain" (all real body wash scents) ??? The Only True Masculinity is found not in Man but in the whole and utter emasculation of everything Non-Man: the sky, the sea, the senses, etc. etc. etc. People talk about the hormones women get in their late 20s/early 30s that cause them to suddenly want to have kids. I think I have the man version of this because I suddenly have been imagining myself owning a pickup truck. And not even one of those tiny italian/japanese minitrucks—a big, old, rust-covered, american-made chunker. Ideally with a big slobbery dog taking up the other seat in the cab. And if not a pickup then at least a 2000s subaru outback. Serious offer if anyone wants to go in on this with me please let me know. --- dream::: i am at summer camp sleeping in a dorm. i have a screening of a movie for a group of girls and they love it. then while walking around i discover that much of my hair is actually a toupee and i did not know about it——when i went to go get my haircut the haircut person must have put the toupee on without telling me. this makes me very distressed because i am just learning that i am super balding. a bunch of kids throw rolls of film into a fountain full of developing fluid. i have a bigger screening for the same movie for even more girls (specifically, a big group of lesbians?), but stop it early by accident. then when we watch the remainder of the movie it has an alternate ending that is terrible and has the opposite plot and moral as the original. the girls (lesbians?) hate it and beat me up. then there is a camp dance with a mac and cheese bar, but i don't go. the rolls of film are still in the pool of fluid. dream analysis::: - i recently hosted a screening for a movie - i recently got a haircut and watched a youtube video about toupees - i just found mac and cheese in my neighbor's box of free stuff