minichurch

save us all some time, just say you don't know ball, just say it, save us all some time. write that next time. "i don't know ball." you don't. why are you so mad? what, you don't like music? why aren't they saying good game? fuck, maybe it wasn't. was it a good game? it doesn't sound like it, you didn't like it. you hated it. maybe they hated it. it wasn't a good game. "Who are all these men in suits that rush onto the court?" THAT'S PAULIE GEE

Dreamed I was a real estate agent trying to sell a mall to someone as a house. They kept saying it felt a bit big. I pointed to a structure at the other end of the building. Cut from a single slab of dark rock, several rows of benches rising aimlessly in a semi-circle enclosing nothing and facing the atrium. Three floors of emptiness below. I said they could hang a very large projector screen in front of the benches. A private movie theater with the openness of an outdoor screening, indoors. The kids could have friends over and sit on the benches eating popcorn, throwing things at each other. My tie snagged on the railing and I had to tear it to get free. Very embarrassing. I guided the buyer through long and wide and winding hallways with low ceilings. When I was a kid, I told them, there was a little store in the mall, in a hallway just like this, where my parents would buy me trading cards. They said they were exactly the same. Well then, I said, it's like you already live here. Look how long these hallways are, I said, think of how many family portraits you could hang on these walls, side by side. If you don't have a big family, what better incentive can you think of to start one? Rule #1 of dreams: dreams are real. I could have been the agent or the buyer, but I was probably neither. I'm not a real estate agent and I never will be. I don't wear ties and I never will again. Dreams are real.

Looking for people who want to make music. You can be a musician or not musician, it's sometimes more fun or interesting when you don't think of yourself that way. Many people want to make music, most don't think they're allowed to. If you want to know what your music would sound like, or if you already know, maybe we can make music. I mainly just like helping a lot of music into the world, for no particular reason. (Serious offer extended to all outside of active members of the armed forces or intelligence services [keep your eyes on the ball, boys])

What a lot of people don't realize about Atlantis is that Atlantis was the name of the lost continent, not the city. The city was called Atlantis City. What a lot of people don't realize about Atlantis City is that there were many surprising things about it. One of the most surprising things is that it had the highest cobbler-to-human ratio of any city in the ancient world. That's surprising because of one of the other most surprising things about Atlantis City, which is that no one there wore shoes. All the shoes they made were for export and instead most people wore those pool sock things. Even before Atlantis (the continent) sank, it was always pretty wet. The reason is pretty surprising. You see, Atlantis City (but only the city proper) had the ancient world's most ambitious and extensive plumbing and irrigation system. They would stick incredibly long pipes into the Earth's crust and pull ice-melt water from the core, which was made of ice back then. It was a very ambitious and extensive system, but it was also very poorly maintained. There were constant leaks, to the point where there weren't really floors anywhere that weren't at least slightly submerged. The people of Atlantis City tolerated it because this same system also provided the scaffolding for the ancient world's most ambitious and extensive sauna system. Using ingenious technologies now lost to the eons, the Atlanteans used their pipes to heat the Earth's icy core such that they could pump hot water vapor into every building in Atlantis City. Although it was perhaps not hubris of the traditional kind, their ambitious and extensive sauna system was too ambitious. The Earth's core was heated too much, past the point of no return, and instead of pumping hot water vapor, the pipes unleashed a torrent of Biblical proportions into the city and its surroundings, causing sea levels to rise the world over and submerging the continent. And yes, these proportions are quite literally Biblical, since it was this honest mistake – and not the sins and wretchedness of all humankind – that caused the flood in Genesis. This explanation stands in contrast to many other moralistic or even eugenicist accounts of the city's demise, including the ones in Plato or the "World Ice Theories" of Hanns Hörbiger, the latter of which claimed that the Biblical flood was caused by an icy moon crashing into the Earth. Unsurprisingly, if you know anything about them, the Nazis were huge proponents of this cosmology. Like with everything else, Hitler was completely wrong when he claimed that the "World Empire of Atlantis [...] fell victim to the catastrophe of the moons falling to Earth." Read more about that here https://www.laphamsquarterly.org/roundtable/song-ice-and-fire. Sounds a lot like Neon Genesis Evangelion, huh?